


Much Ado About General Danvers

by Worffan101



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: #gdmonthly, F/F, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Idiots in Love, J'onn needs a tinfoil hat, Manhell gets what he deserves, Manhell is a dick, Much Ado About Nothing, Rom-Com AU, inspired by Shakespeare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2017-09-17
Packaged: 2018-12-30 23:52:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12120024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Worffan101/pseuds/Worffan101
Summary: Alex and Astra have been dancing around each other for years and EVERYBODY is fed up.  Desperate for relief from the sappy pining, Lucy Lane and J'onn J'onzz hatch a cunning plan...as the malevolent Prince Mon-El "Manhell" of Daxam makes his own twisted plot for Supergirl's affections.Flat-out stole the core plot elements from Shakespeare, but then he pretty much did the same for most of his plays anyway.





	Much Ado About General Danvers

**Author's Note:**

> OK, this is obviously highly AU, but what happened is basically: 
> 
> \--Astra surrendered to the DEO when Alex begged her to on LordTech’s rooftop during the events of 1x13 and they’re now roommates. 
> 
> \--Alex and Astra have basically been dancing around each other for the last year and a half. 
> 
> \--Maggie is dating Batwoman after Alex assumed she had no chance with Maggie and drowned her sorrows at her lackluster love life in booze. Alex and Maggie are still friends, though, since I can't hurt Maggie. 
> 
> \--Manhell’s mom (AKA Space Trump) was defeated by Astra infiltrating her flagship, kicking the living shit out of the Daxamites on board, taking it over, and proceeding to shoot Space Trump with pinpoint accuracy, which made Kara mildly upset, though not as upset as Kara would have been if Space Trump hadn’t just ordered her minions to blow up a children’s hospital before Astra shot her. Space Trump died of lead poisoning and everybody but Kara secretly or openly cheered. 
> 
> \--Kara dumped Manhell and got together with Lena after Episode 18, and in episode 19 Lena helped Kara get past Malverne’s tech tricks and helped save Alex. They got together after the Daxamite invasion and now Kara and Lena are engaged and hopelessly sappy. 
> 
> \--Not doing anything Reign-related because I have no idea how the show version will turn out and the comics version was a mediocre overpowered alien invader.

“You know,” Lucy remarked, “we’ve _got_ to do something about Alex and Astra.” 

It was an unofficial Girl’s Night Out (or at least, Girls Who Are Not Kryptonians Or Agent Danvers) at a ritzy bar that Lena Luthor practically owned, and Lucy Lane was only slightly drunk.  Across the table, Lena raised an eyebrow and took a dainty sip of her martini.  “You _seriously_ think that any efforts we might make would have any effect at all on those two?” 

“She’s got a point,” Agent Vasquez piped up from Lucy’s right.  “I mean, Astra gave up on the Myriad plan for Alex and they _still_ can barely interact without more tension than a bridge cable?  That’s a level of romantic density that makes a black hole look like whipped cream.” 

Lucy shook her head, waving off the concerns.  “Hear me out.  You’ve all seen how they act.  Astra is the touchiest woman in the universe, and she’s always _most_ touchy with Alex, and if you remember that time we took her shopping?”  Vasquez and Lena winced.  They’d been roped into taking Astra clothes shopping by Kara, and Astra had spent the entire trip asking “Would Alexandra like this?” while holding up various items. 

“OK, fair point,” Vasquez conceded.  “Astra can’t control her gay.  But Alex?” 

“Have you _seen_ the way she looks at Astra when she thinks nobody’s looking?” Lena asked.  “And when I talked to her about proposing to Kara she spent ten minutes complaining about how unfair it was for her alien sister’s aunt to be so impossibly perfect and how she wanted to invite Astra to live with her after Kara and I moved in together but she wasn’t sure if that would be alright.  And then she went and did it anyway and called Lucy at 3 AM to panic about it.” 

“You _see_ what I mean?” Lucy reiterated.  “We’ve _got_ to get those two idiots together.” 

“But Astra’s never going to make a move for fear of hurting Alex, and Alex is, not to put too fine a point on it, a gay disaster.” 

“ _Vas_ , come _on_!  I know what I’m doing!”  Lucy winked at the brunette.  “What kind of women are we if we just give up without even trying?” 

Lena looked at Vasquez, who looked at Lena.  Lena sighed.  Vasquez groaned. 

“Alright, Luce, you've got me hooked."   _In more ways than one_.  "Where do we start?” 

Lucy grinned like the Cheshire cat.  “Well, _first_ we have to get a team together…” 

***

“It’s not _fair_ ,” Mon-El whined, on his 16th whiskey of the night.  “What’s not to like?  I’m such a catch!  I even stopped talking about how awesome my bedwarmers on Daxam were because it ‘made her uncomfortable’!” 

The alien next to him shrugged.  “I mean, maybe she dumped you because you lied constantly, or maybe it was the bragging about how much you enjoyed your slavery planet, or maybe it was telling her entire workplace about the one time you had sex immediately after she made you promise not to?” 

Mon-El punched him in the shoulder, and the alien hissed with pain.  “Shut up, Brian!  Girls are supposed to forgive you for stuff like that.  I’ve watched Earth movies, it always happens, like in _Anchorman_!  I still can’t _believe_ how much stuff you’re expected to do for girls here, it’s like walking on eggshells, one little quickie with a dumb blonde and they’ll leave you!” 

“Maybe there’s a reason your planet’s refugees are _persona non grata_ anywhere outside of Citadel and Dominator space,” Brian the alien muttered.  “Look, man, just find someone else who’ll sleep with you, there was that secretary who covers your work for you who you told me about…” 

“It’s not _like_ that,” Mon-El complained.  “ _Nobody_ rejects me!  I’m the Crown Prince of Daxam, and I’m handsome and everyone says I’m charming, I could have any girl I like and she just _leaves_ me?  I even had to _work_ for this one, and she just _left_ like I was bad in bed or something?” 

“Alright, alright, can you just stop complaining about this woman and have another drink?  Everyone’s tired of hearing you whine.” 

“I’ve got to get her back,” Mon-El grumbled.  Then his head jerked up.  “Hey!  She was angry for some reason when I did it with that servant at CatCo.  Maybe I could use that!  Make her think that Luthor woman is sleeping with someone else!” 

“Yeah, brilliant plan, pal,” Brian offered halfheartedly.  “But this girl’s a Kryptonian, right?  Won’t she just use her super-senses to realize what’s going on?” 

“Oh.”  Mon-El frowned.  “Hey!  I’ll just get the Luthor bitch to dump her!  When she dumps Kara, Kara’ll be sad and angry and I’ll be right there with a bouquet ready to take her back!  Brilliant!”  He turned to Brian with a flashy grin.  “Will you help me?  You seem pretty smart!” 

“Hey, buddy, I need to _eat_ …” 

“I’ll pay you!  A lot!” 

Brian the alien turned on his stool, quickly downing his beer.  “I’m listening.” 

***

“Astra incoming,” M’gann said as she passed J’onn’s office door, headed for the exit.  The Martian Manhunter sighed and put his protective device on his head, leaning back in his chair to sneak a peek as the Kryptonian approached Agent Danvers in the command center.  _Honestly, you two…just get together already._  

Someone knocked on his door, and J’onn turned.  “Ah, Director Lane.  Welcome back to National City.” 

“Director J’onzz.  Why the, uh, tinfoil hat?”  Lucy shut the door, tapped the privacy controls, and pulled her baseball cap off. 

“Ironic fashion statement.  Why didn’t you notify me in advance?” 

“I didn’t want Alex to know.  Or Astra, for that matter.  Lena’s getting Kara on board, but I need your help.  Or at least tacit permission.” 

“You’re playing matchmaker?”  J’onn adjusted the hat to make sure he wasn’t picking up any stray thoughts.  _Maybe I should add “how to not broadcast teenaged angst to your telepathic superior officer” to basic training?_   “Good luck.” 

“I don’t need _luck_ , I’ve got Lena Luthor,” Lucy chuckled.  “Are you in?” 

“Of course.”  J’onn swiveled in his chair and move the computer monitor on his desk so that Lucy could see, pulling up Microsoft Word.  “Any ideas for where to begin?” 

***

“General.” 

“Brave One.”  Astra cursed the strange feeling that bubbled up in her gut, an odd emotion that didn’t _quite_ match up with her love for Kara.  She _only_ felt this way around the agent, and she couldn’t get enough of it even though it drove her to distraction.  Why was it only this one Human?  It was more than just care, really, it came with a bizarre sense of warmth and something bubbling deep in her gut that was simply confusing.  Astra traced her eyes up the toned arms and sculpted cheekbone, before settling on Alex’s eyes, an idle thought tracing through her mind— _maybe this is what roommates are supposed to feel here_?  So far removed from Krypton’s controlled, sterile environment, Astra had experienced thousands of new stimuli with her enhanced senses through her years on Earth, of which this bizarre symptom was by _far_ the most confusing. 

“Astra?  Are you OK?”  Astra started, realizing that she’d been gazing into the other woman’s eyes for a full thirty seconds, and blushed deep. 

“Ah, yes, of course, I apologize…Agent Danvers, I wished to know if our dinner plans for tonight are the same as they have been, or if your experiment will require your attentions again?” 

“Oh, of course I’ll be there, I’m so sorry about last night.”  Alex was blushing as her eyes flicked up from Astra’s jawline to her eyes, and Astra felt a shudder in her gut.  “I know that you like our routine…” 

“If you have plans, I can…” 

“No!  No, it’s fine, I don’t have plans.  Besides, sister night with Kara is the day after tomorrow so that’ll be a sort of break from routine no matter whether she wants you there or not.”  Astra winced as she recalled how Kara had temporarily banished Astra from her abode after Astra had cornered Lena Luthor and instructed her on how Kara’s latest suitor could avoid being thrown into the local sun.  Lena Luthor, to her credit, had been a good sport about it, and Astra had eventually reached an amicable détente with her. 

“If that is acceptable to you, then, I will be ready tonight.  I believe that it is my turn to cook…” 

“It’s _always_ your turn to cook,” Alex noted with a little smile. 

Astra shrugged.  “I cannot help enjoying this world’s foods, not to mention…”  she clamped down on _the look in your eyes when you see me singing in High Kryptonian in an apron_ , then replaced it with, “Never mind.” 

“Astra…you can tell me.  I’m your friend, I think, I’m here for you.” 

Astra shook her head; no need to concern Alex.  “It is nothing, truly.  But thank you again, for everything that you have done for me.” 

“I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”  Then, hastily.  “Because it makes Kara happy and I’m your friend and don’t like to see you sad!” 

Over at the computer console, Winslow “Winn” Schott, Jr., attempted to resist the desire to stab his own eyes out with a pencil.  He was only barely successful. 

***

Lena slowly twisted a lock of Kara’s hair through her fingers.  Her Kryptonian puppy hummed with pleasure, squeezing Lena gently around the shoulders as she nuzzled into Lena’s neck. 

“Kara, I need your help with something.”  As much as Lena loved gentle couch cuddling, there was business to attend to. 

“Oh?”  Kara looked up into Lena’s green eyes, blinking adorably.  “Is something wrong?” 

“No, just…well, you know how Alex and Astra are?” 

“Oh, _Rao_ , I wish I didn’t,” Kara complained, rolling her eyes.  “I swear, if I have to see them just staring at each other when they think nobody’s looking _one more time_ , if I see _one more_ pining look…” 

“ _Please_ don’t destroy another pillow while screaming into it,” Lena cut in.  “Those take _forever_ to clean up.”  Kara pouted, but nodded.  “Lucy’s planning to get them together, do you want to help?” 

“Do you even need to ask?”  Kara planted a quick kiss on Lena’s lips and then super-sped away, grabbing her notepad and a pen.  “Alright!  Let’s brainstorm!” 

***

“Brave One.” 

“Astra!”  Alex Danvers nearly fell out of her chair as Kara’s incredibly _frustrating_ alien aunt approached her in her lab.  “Um, what do you need?” 

“I…nothing, I merely wished to, ah, thank you for your assistance last week.”  Astra shuffled awkwardly, and Alex’s eyes slipped down those toned arms before she forced herself to stick to Astra’s eyes.  “You risked yourself to pull me away from Kryptonite Man, and I wished to…to thank you.” 

Alex smiled softly.  “I’ll rescue you any day of the week, General.”  Then she realized how that sounded, and blushed.  “Because Kara would be heartbroken, of course!” 

“Of course!”  Astra’s hand reached out and stroked down Alex’s cheek, and the agent shivered at the gentle touch.  “You must take care of yourself, Alexandra; I—Kara would never forgive me if you were to be harmed for my sake.” 

Alex cupped Astra’s outstretched hand in both of hers and pulled it from her jaw.  “Hey.  You’re just as important to her as I am.  How about we both try to stop taking dangerous risks on such a regular basis, or at least try to look for safer options occasionally, and go from there?” 

“Oh for the love of Christ…” Agent Vasquez muttered from where she’d been monitoring a plate of alien bacteria for Alex.  “I’m going on break, clearly no work’s going to happen for the next half-hour.”  She was out the door in two seconds flat. 

Alex blushed deep red as she and Astra released each others’ hands and studiously looked away from each other.  “Um, I’m sorry, I, uh…I’ll just get back to work.” 

“Yes,” Astra managed with forced cheer, turning for the door herself.  “I…”  She paused halfway through the doorway, and turned back.  “Alexandra?” 

“Yeah?” 

“I…”  She shook her head slightly.  “Never mind.” 

***

“If I have to see _one more minute_ of sappy dancing around each other, I’m going to lock them in the fucking training room until they just get to the sex,” Vasquez growled as she took a seat in Lucy’s apartment, Winn and James moving aside to let her onto the futon.  “Uh, nice hat, sir.  Very ironic, considering the whole Martian thing.” 

“Thank you,” J’onn replied, poker face perfectly straight as M’gann (wearing her own shiny headpiece) adjusted the tinfoil on his head from behind the couch.  “Director Lane, we are all here.  Ms. Luthor, thank you for the food.” 

“My pleasure,” Lena assured him as she fed Kara her 79th potsticker of the last 10 minutes.  The bottomless pit that was an adult Kryptonian added her own sentiments of approval for the food with her mouth full, and Lena chuckled softly.  “Chew first, Kara.” 

Kara obeyed, swallowed, then pouted.  “I just wanted to tell you how much I love the potstickers…” 

“You didn’t need to,” Lena assured her, bumping shoulders with the blonde.  “I could tell from how quickly you’ve inhaled them.  You’re lucky I find it adorable.”  Kara pouted at that. 

“Hey, can I _help_ that the way into my heart is potstickers?”  She leaned in for a kiss…

Lucy cleared her throat.  “Oy!  Lovebirds!  We’ve got a mission!” 

Lena and Kara snapped to attention and composed themselves.  “Yes.  Ah, of course,” the superheroine managed, then snuck another plate of potstickers out of the bag, a move about as subtle as Genghis Khan. 

“Alright.  So, Vasquez is at the end of her rope, J’onn and M’gann are wearing tinfoil hats more than six hours a day to prevent headaches, Kara can’t stick around after fights without wanting to push Alex and Astra’s heads together and make kissy sounds, Lena is seriously considering buying their apartment block and forcing them to share a bed via creative regulation changes and copious bribes, and I honestly just want Alex to stop bitching at me every weekend about how she hasn’t had a date in years, Maggie Sawyer rejected her…” 

“Because she knew that she had no chance and Maggie’s cuter with Kate anyway,” Kara added.   

“Silence in the peanut gallery!”  Kara crossed her arms and _hmph_ ed.  “Long story short, we’re sick and tired of hearing, seeing, picking up the thoughts of, and hearing about Alex and Astra dancing around each other.  We all agree that they should be together _yesterday_ and that it’s blatantly obvious that they want each other.  J’onn and I came up with a few plans with Lena and Kara’s help, we’re just going to open the table for discussion.”  The former lawyer tapped a page open on her tablet.  “Take a look.

“Option one: Lock ‘em in the Kryptonite-laced training room until they do something to get together.  Benefits: Simple.  Risks: They might be too damn stubborn to let themselves be happy, and it could drive a wedge between them. 

“Option two: Trick them into a date.  Benefits: They’d have to be thicker than a brick wall to not understand what’s going on.  Risks: Expensive, they might take it the wrong way, no plausible deniability. 

“Option three: Make them think the other is pining after them.  We have to be indirect or they’ll probably think we’re lying for their benefit.  Benefits: J’onn and I are pretty sure that this is the likeliest to work.  Risks: We have to be careful as we work not to tip them off.” 

Lucy leaned back on the couch.  “So.  Thoughts?” 

“Three,” Kara said immediately.  “I don’t want Alex to be mad at me!” 

“And we need the training room to ensure that Supergirl keeps her edge,” J’onn added.  “And with option two, I feel that there is a risk that they _are_ that dense.” 

“True,” James offered.  “Alex and I’ve been getting drinks at that alien bar for months, and every night she complains about how annoying it is when Astra touches her and she likes it.” 

“ _Too much information_ ,” Kara complained.  “So which one do you vote for?” 

James looked at Winn, who looked back with an eyebrow raised.  There was a quick, silent conversation, and a shared nod.  “Three,” both men said at the same time. 

“Three.  Agent Danvers drinks an unhealthy amount of whiskey enough days of the week that I’m certain she wouldn’t know a romantic date if it hit her in the face,” M’gann added.  “You get a feel for people when you’re tending bar, and we _need_ to be subtle, but in a way that gives them both the ability to realize for themselves that their feelings exist and aren’t unrequited.” 

“Point,” J’onn rumbled in agreement. 

“Yeah, alright, I guess I can be patient, if Lucy buys me a drink,” Vasquez grumbled.  “I’m down with three.” 

“Agreed,” Lucy replied. 

“I’m with Kara,” Lena said, holding her girlfriend’s left in her hand and planting a little kiss to the Kryptonian’s cheek.  “Alex and Astra deserve what we have.” 

“Awww, that’s so sweet of you!”  Kara put down her potstickers and kissed Lena full on the lips.  J’onn cleared his throat, which had no effect, and settled for adjusting his tinfoil hat. 

“I agree with this plan, which I believe makes this unanimous.” 

 “Great,” Winn replied, kicking back with his smartphone.  “So how do we get started?” 

“Well, I’d suggest trying to trick both of them into overhearing us complaining about how the other is secretly pining for them,” M’gann proposed.  “We should split into two teams for each of them and tag-team them.  Be subtle, but not _too_ subtle.” 

“After that, how about leaving poetry that ‘they’ wrote around?” Lena suggested.  “I’ve been practicing writing sonnets…” 

Kara gasped.  “My secret cards!  That was _you_!”  Lena’s grin was all the answer she needed, and Winn yelped as the couch nearly overturned thanks to an overly exuberant Kryptonian. 

“That might actually work,” J’onn conceded, staring directly at a spot three feet over Kara’s head and four inches to her right as Kara nuzzled into Lena’s shoulder and planted kisses up her neck (not that Lena was complaining).  “I can work on both teams.  Kara, you and I will handle your aunt at the DEO; M’gann, are you alright with _repurposing_ our date?” 

The female Martian kissed J’onn on the cheek.  “For those two lovebirds?  Of course.  Besides, playing matchmaker is romantic.” 

The Martian man grinned.  “You’re absolutely wonderful.  In that case, we can handle General In-Ze at your bar.  Lane, Vasquez, you cover Agent Danvers at the DEO, I’ll be able to assist if needed.” 

“We’ll be fine, sir,” Vasquez assured him.  “Lucy’s so good at setting people up sometimes she does it for herself without noticing.”  Lucy frowned at that, but nodded.    

J’onn continued.  “Supergirl, you and Ms. Luthor be sure to have a phone conversation about the matter where Agent Danvers can hear.” 

“On it,” Kara confirmed. 

“Schott, Mr. Olsen, I want you two to leave the sonnets out if that becomes necessary.”

“Sweet, reserve team,” James chuckled, high-fiving with Winn. 

“Ms. Luthor, poetry writing.”  Lena nodded, hand stroking absently through Kara’s hair.  “M’gann and I can cover any of you who have inescapable commitments.  Are we all clear?” 

There was a general nodding of heads.  J’onn stood, red light playing over his body as he shifted into his Martian Manhunter form and stretched his shoulders.  It looked rather silly with a tinfoil hat.  “Excellent.  Then let’s get to work.” 

***

“This is the best idea I’ve ever had,” Mon-El chuckled gleefully.  “If she thinks Kara’s cheating on her, that Luthor woman will be certain to dump her, and I’ll be waiting to sweep Kara up into my arms.” 

“Yup, best idea ever,” Brian the alien assured the Daxamite with a halfhearted attempt at sycophancy.  “Definitely no way this can go wrong.” 

“Did she pick up the bouquet that I ordered?” 

“Delivered it to Luthor’s apartment and slid in the note for Supergirl.  Luthor opened the door and picked it up.”  Brian passed over a couple of photos.  “Evidence.” 

“Excellent!”  Mon-El nearly knocked Brian over with a pat on the back.  “Now I just have to send the letters and we’ll be ready for Phase 3!” 

“I still don’t get why you think that you having sex is a core element of your plan,” Brian muttered. 

“On Daxam, any plan that didn’t involve at least one break with our bed-slaves was considered a bad plan.  And if it involved sex with someone of good noble breeding, so much the better!  Besides, that Tessmacher woman will do anything I say for just a touch of my manhood, that’s how awesome in bed I am.” 

“Right.”  Mon-El didn’t catch the skepticism in Brian’s voice.  “So…how do you want to handle this?” 

“Easy!  You convince the Luthor to come by CatCo and I’ll be doing Tessmacher on Kara’s desk.  The Luthor’ll be horrified, she’ll run away in tears immediately and I’ll get to…” 

“I get it.  You’re _certain_ that Lena Luthor will react _that_ much to seeing some blonde doing it with you in your Kryptonian ex’s office?  I mean, she runs a company, she’s gotta be made of stern stuff.” 

“Bah, she’s a Human, they’re all really easy to manipulate.  Except for Agent Danvers—you know, the one whose family adopted Kara.” 

“Oh, spirits, I know Agent Danvers, alright,” Brian muttered, rubbing his wrists with a wince. 

Mon-El continued as if Brian hadn’t even spoken.  “And Kara’s scary boss lady.  And that police woman who Agent Danvers didn’t have the courage to seduce.” 

“Wait, Detective Sawyer?  But didn’t she…” 

“Brian, c’mon!  I’ve got a brilliant plan, why do you have to ruin it by pointing out all of these problems with it?  Just let me do my thing and you do yours and I’ll pay you plenty.” 

“Which reminds me, my rates for checking on the bouquet…” 

“Trust me, man, I’ll pay you when it’s all done, IOU, honestly!  I’m a Prince, I keep my word.” 

***

“I can’t help but feel sorry for Astra.” 

Alex froze as she heard Lucy’s voice in the locker room.  Astra was hurt somehow?  Protective instincts surged.  Then she heard Vasquez speak up. 

“I know, right?  How can Danvers _treat_ her that way?”  There was a tut-tutting sound, and the rustle of Vasquez shucking her shirt.  “I mean, she practically bawls her eyes out to us about how she loves Danvers like that, completely head over heels, and Danvers pretends she doesn’t notice so she can keep leading Astra on?  I mean, at least _give the woman a straight answer_ , Danvers!” 

Alex slapped a hand over her mouth to catch the _eep!_ of shock.  _Astra likes me?  What the Hell_? 

“Ugh, I _know_.  There’s Astra making heart-eyes over her every day of the week, and Danvers is just professional cold.  It’s been like this for _months_ and she’s gotten so bad she came to _us_ for help and to vent-cry.  Poor Kryptonian needs to find someone else.” 

Alex plastered herself against the wall, turning her head towards the doorway.  Vasquez chuckled. 

“No way will she do that.  I’m betting one of those tragic Romeo-and-Juliet things, that alien’s way too dramatic.” 

_OK, she’s right about that_ warred with _how DARE you call Astra ‘that alien’!_   The former won, barely. 

“Bullshit, Vas, Astra’s too practical.  She’ll just remove herself, go get herself transferred somewhere else and make a point of never coming back when Alex is here, and just try to cut off the problem at the root.”  Alex found herself nodding along, and she felt tears in her eyes at the thought of her alien General exiling herself out of some misplaced sense of honor.  _Oh god, I’ve fucked up, haven’t I?_   She had to do something.  Tonight was game night at Kara’s, maybe she could…subtly signal that she was interested? 

Alex slipped away, pulling out her phone.  _Kara.  She’ll know what to do._   And then she’d have to do something special for Astra to apologize for not noticing…

In the locker room, Lucy put a hand to her ear.  “What?”  Her face split into a grin.  “Thanks, Winn.  Tell Director J’onzz that Stage One is complete.”  She offered a hand up, and Vasquez high-fived her with a grin.  “Told you I’ve still got it.” 

Vasquez shook her head with a chuckle as she re-donned her shirt, and Lucy felt a momentary flash of dismay as the toned six-pack and flawless, bra-clad breasts disappeared.  “Fine, you win the five bucks, but only if you buy me a coffee.” 

“Throw in another two and I’ll get Starbucks for us both.” 

“You know the way to a girl’s heart, Lane.  Done.” 

***

It was a quiet night in the alien bar in downtown National City, and Astra In-Ze, formerly General of the Kryptonian Military Guild and commanding officer of the Fourth Order, settled into the darkness in the back of a booth near the rear.  Nearly invisible and nursing a tall mug of Tamaranean spirits; it was a comfortable sort of loneliness that allowed her precious time to consider her emotions. 

The Roltikkon waitress passed by with a look, and Astra waved her off.  She had Tamaranean beer and the Human dish called pizza, it would last at least a half-hour.  _Now, as for Alexandra…_   She hummed quietly to herself.  Her emotions were not quite the same as those she felt towards Kara, that was a certainty.  But there was the sort of caring that came with her love for her niece in there, but melded with that strange…

Someone slid into the booth behind her, and Astra heard the Martian, Director J’onzz, grunt softly as he sat.  Her ears pricked up out of general habit, and the conversation wafted over to her hypersensitive ears. 

“…and I _wish_ I knew what Astra was thinking, because picking up Alex’s 24/7 pining is _really_ getting old.  Are you _sure_ that their relationship is healthy, J’onn?” 

“They function well in the field, even if Astra sometimes distracts Alex from laboratory work,” the Green Martian replied.  “But even then, I have entire teams of biochemists, I can cover for one distracted agent in the lab.  Not so much in the field.”  There was a pause, and Astra’s brain filled in J’onn shaking his head.  “Look, M’gann, if Agent Danvers is in love with General In-Ze it’s really none of my business.” 

Astra nearly sprayed her drink across the booth.  _What_???  She wasn’t normally one to intentionally eavesdrop, but now she slipped low in the booth and focused in…

M’gann sighed.  “I know, and it really isn’t mine either, but…well, I know that Kryptonians are uptight about sex and had arranged marriages before Krypton was destroyed, but it’s just not fair to Alex to have her room with and work with someone who so clearly doesn’t care about her.  The poor dear’s so clearly lovesick it hurts me just to be in the same room with her!” 

Astra froze.  _Oh, Rao.  Alexandra, I did not mean…_   This was _terrible_!  She couldn’t hurt Alexandra, she owed the brave Human too much and Kara would be _outraged_ and she’d never be able to bear the look on her Human’s face…

“If Agent Danvers has a concern, she will come to me…” 

“Set aside the Director protocols for a minute and think like…like a friend.  Has Alex _ever_ reported injury or mental stress?” 

“…alright, you have me there.  She does have a tendency to conceal issues.” 

“She bottles things up and corks them at higher pressure than the air in a scuba tank.  And it couldn’t be more obvious at this point that she’s close to breaking down because she loves that Kryptonian with all of her heart, and it’s slowly breaking her.” 

Astra’s mug creaked in her hand, and she forced herself to let go before beckoning discreetly to the waitress.  “Check please,” she whispered.  “And please be discrete.” 

She had to talk to Kara.  _Kara_ would know what to do, her or her lovely new mate. 

***

“…and so after Alex and I went shopping for the gayest clothes I could find, Astra came in and asked me about romantic desserts!” Kara squealed.  “I think we did it!” 

Lucy high-fived Winn while James did the same with Kara.  “Go team!” Lucy cheered, and Winn and James joined in. 

“So where’s Lena?” James asked.  “It’s almost 8, does she normally take this long getting changed?” 

“No, she said that someone was taking her to an appointment or something and she’ll be a bit late,” Kara replied.  “I’m more worried about Alex and Aunt Astra…” 

“Alex is in her lab, she shut the door and won’t come out,” Lucy revealed.  “She came back to work with a bag full of clothes after your shopping trip, too.” 

“I know, I just hope she can convince herself to wear the shirt we bought,” Kara worried. 

“Astra stopped by to discuss a project that J’onn has us working on with James’s armor and mentioned that she was headed back to Alex’s apartment, something about baking,” Winn added. 

“They’re probably doing something nice for each other,” James said before taking a drink of soda.  “So, what are we playing tonight?” 

“I was thinking that we could try Dungeons and Dragons,” Kara announced with a grin.  “Winn and I can teach anyone who doesn’t know the rules and I came up with a quick rules sheet, plus I have characters made for all of us.  Winn helped write the characters, he’ll be Dungeon Master.” 

“Kinky,” Lucy snarked.  Two uncomprehending faces turned to stare at her. 

“Uh, the Dungeon Master just referees the game,” Winn said. 

“It’s just the most important role, it’s not like a sexy thing,” Kara added.  She pulled some packets of paper from her backpack.  “OK, James, you’re Thorvald, a dwarven warblade/bard who protects the people while telling tales to spread the truth.” 

“Awesome.”  James took the packet and flipped through it.  “Hey, I get…what exactly are these “flaws”?  “Honor before Reason?”  “Tastes Great To Dragons?”  What do these…do?” 

“Oh, we had to cheese the rules a little and min-max you to give you a thematically appropriate equipment kit and not have you be totally nerfed,” Winn replied. 

“We used a loophole in the rules to make sure that your character is as powerful as the rest of ours,” Kara explained.  “Also, we’re using the Tome of Battle in this.” 

“And optional dwarf subraces and racial features,” Winn added.  “So you’re basically an overpowered samurai warrior who hits people with a shield.  Just, uh, try to stay away from dragons.” 

James nodded appreciatively.  “I can work with this.” 

“And I’m…an adventurous ranger archer.  Hey, I can headshot people!”  Lucy grinned.  “Who made this one?” 

“Well, we sort of collaborated,” Kara and Winn said together.  They giggled, then Kara spoke up again.  “Agent Vasquez suggested that your character should have high Charisma.  And Lena made my character.” 

“Kara’s a paladin who loves everybody and who everybody loves who’s married to Lena’s character…” 

“Who I made,” Kara cut in. 

“Right, and who’s a mysterious super-smart enchantress,” Winn continued.  “I suggested evoker but Kara pointed out that fireballs aren’t Lena’s style.  Anyway, Kara’s got this super-cool magic flaming holy sword, and she has an aura of hope and super-strong Will on top of her +5 bonus to saving throws from her Charisma—her character has a bonus to Charisma since she’s an aasimar, part-angel.  I mean, Paladin’s a bit gimped overall in 3.5, but it does have versatility.”  Lucy’s face was blank with confusion at the nerd jargon, but Winn and Kara didn’t notice. 

“Lies!” Kara puffed up in indignation.  “Paladins are the _best_!  Smite evil is the best class feature!” 

“It totally doesn’t scale at high levels, though, and at low levels it’s too sporadic,” Winn countered.  Kara sniffed and pointedly turned her head aside.  “Anyway, I have Alex and Astra here, too—Alex is a ninja and Astra’s a powerful fighter who used to be a Dark Lord.  Well, sort of, the kingdom feared her but she was trying to help Kara only she made some bad decisions and everybody got afraid.” 

“Oh.  I get it.”  Lucy grinned like a shark.  “This is part of the Plan.” 

Kara beamed, and Winn clicked his tongue while making a double-pointing-guns gesture.  “ _Exactly_.  Kara’s genius at work.” 

“Hey, you helped,” Kara pointed out. 

“Only with the campaign and the character sheets, I didn’t…”  Someone knocked on the door.  Kara’s head whipped around, and she grinned. 

“Alex!”  In a flash she was at the door, and opened it while practically floating off of the ground.  “I’m so glad you could make it, I’ve got the _best_ plans for… _Oh, Rao, what did you do with your hair???_ ” 

Lucy, Winn, and James craned their necks to see, the former offering a thumbs-up as the latter two’s eyes went wide.  Alex held a bag of food and a wrapped package in her hands, and looked down with a self-conscious blush at her outfit.  “It’s not too much, is it?  I went out with Maggie to ask for a second opinion and she helped me get the haircut.” 

“Uh…”  Kara raked her eyes up and down, forcing her mouth to close.  Alex wore an open leather jacket over a thin white T-shirt bearing the jet-black inscription _Likes Girls_.  Her hair was cut short and slicked back over her head, and she wore tight ripped jeans with a leather belt (the buckle, two distaff symbols intertwined in chrome).  “It’s…”  _Not you?  No…Sort of you but a lot bolder than you usually are?  Yeah, but I can’t say that…_   “Not your usual style?  But nice!  It looks nice.” 

Alex grimaced.  “Damn it, I knew this was too obvious.  Can you take the food, and I’ll…” 

There was a _thunk_ from just inside the window.  All eyes turned to the other side of the room.  Alex sucked in a sharp breath. 

Astra stood in a long-sleeved T-shit and casual slacks, her hair pinned back behind her head in a bun.  At her feet sat a half-open box of only slightly mangled cupcakes.  Her mouth was open and eyes wide as saucers, staring directly at Alex. 

“Uh…” Alex managed.  Kara saw Lucy facepalm, and the superheroine rolled her eyes internally.  _My sister, the smooth talker_. 

“Aunt Astra!  You made it!  Ooh, cupcakes!” 

“Huh?”  Astra shook herself out of her daze and looked to Kara as the younger Kryptonian picked up the cupcakes.  “Oh!  Those are for Alexandra.  Well, everyone can share, but I made them for her…” 

“That’s so _cute_!”  Kara beamed again.  “Alex got all dressed up for you, too.” 

“Uh…” Alex said again, then cleared her throat, looking very studiously away from the General as her cheeks flared deep red.  “I, uh, brought you something.  Uh, Astra.”  She tossed the box across the room; Astra caught it with ease and began to unwrap it. 

“I thank you, Alexandra.  What is… _oh_!” 

“Yeah, I, uh, reconstructed it from what I saw in Kara’s memories during the Black Mercy incident and on blueprints Alura’s AI had.”  Alex scuffed her feet nervously.  “How does it look?” 

<Kandor…as though I never left…> Astra whispered in Kryptonian.  “Oh, Alexandra, it is _beautiful_!”  She held the little metal model with petrified care, gently moving it over to the table to set it down as she discarded the box and paper.  “How can I ever thank you?” 

“You don’t, uh, need to, this is just an apology.  For treating you like I have.”  Alex shuffled nervously again, and her hand rose to scratch the back of her head before she forced it down. 

Astra seemed to deflate before Kara’s eyes, and a pit opened up in the younger alien’s gut.  _Damn it, you two were so close!_   “I…of course, Alexandra.  I…wished to apologize as well.  For my conduct.  But you have not offended me, indeed I have found your friendship quite beneficial.” 

“No, you don’t need to…I’m just sorry for…” 

Lucy raised an eyebrow at Kara.  Kara ducked behind Astra and gave a shrug back.  _What do I have to do, fly around pulling a banner that says “ALEX AND ASTRA LOVE EACH OTHER”?_

Then another knock sounded at the door.  Alex and Astra turned with Kara to look…

“That’s Lena!  Be right back!”  Kara _accidentally_ brushed against Astra and patted Alex on the back as she sped towards the door, sending them stumbling towards each other.  Astra caught air as she tripped over the couch, and they barely caught each other, before jolting backwards, blushing furiously. 

“Lena!  Baby!”  Kara threw the door open and…what the…  “Lena, are you OK?”  She had her arms crossed and looked so _gloomy_ , and Kara just wanted to hug her but shied back from the offered embrace.  “Honey, did something happen?” 

“That really depends, Kara.”  Her voice was brittle.  Kara felt the others coming up behind her and backed slowly into the apartment.  “Where…where were you about fifteen minutes ago?” 

“Uh…here?” 

“We were finishing dungeon maps,” Winn offered.  “Kara’s been here for hours setting stuff up, I got in about an hour ago to finalize tonight’s game plan.” 

“So you _haven’t_ been back to CatCo since you left?”  Lena asked. 

“No…not since 5.” 

“And…and you don’t know who’s been sending you bouquets?” 

“Do you mean the Edible Arrangement that you got me for our anniversary last month?” 

Lena shuddered and lunged for Kara, wrapping her in a hug and burying her face into Kara’s shoulder.  “I’m so sorry,” she whispered.  “I’m sorry I doubted you, I shouldn’t have…” 

“Hey.  Hey, it’s OK, just talk to me,” Kara murmured, pulling Lena up and pushing a little bit backwards.  “What happened?” 

“I…A man, an alien called Brian, he told me that you were…were cheating on me.  And I’m sorry, I didn’t believe him at first, I promise, but then a bouquet showed up with a man’s name on the card and handwriting I don’t know, and Brian said that you were meeting him in your office.  I…”  Lena gulped and shuddered, tears streaming down her face.  “I went with him tonight to see, and he showed me with binoculars, there a man in there, in your office, and he was...they were…he was having sex with someone with blonde hair like yours up against your window.”  Lena sniffled and wiped a hand over her nose.  “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have been suspicious, I…” 

Kara wrapped her in a hug, firm but gentle.  “Hey.  I love you, and I’m always here for you.  I’m not going anywhere, I’m not going evil, I’m not going to make you second-best, and I’m not going to leave you for _anything_.  You’re my hero, Lena Luthor, and I love being your girlfriend.”  She pulled back, grip on Lena’s shoulders iron.  “Who was he?” 

“I didn’t recognize him,” Lena confessed.  “The alien or the other man.  I kept the card, though…”  She pulled it from her purse, and Alex reached around Kara and grabbed it. 

“ _Mon-El_ ,” Alex growled, and the card tore partway in her hands.  “That lousy, misogynistic son of a _bitch_!” 

“Oh for Rao’s sake…” Kara muttered.  “Doesn’t he take a hint?  I _dumped_ him, for crying out loud…” 

“Uh, hey,” said someone from the door.  Kara saw a bluish-grey alien, looking sheepish in a coat and jeans.  “Hi.  I’m, uh, Brian.  Uh, hi, Agent Danvers.  And, uh, I’m really sorry, Supergirl, Ms. Luthor.” 

“You’d _better_ have a good explanation.”  Kara held Lena tight and pressed a kiss to her temple as Astra stepped up behind the enraged Alex. 

Brian cringed.  “Yeah, that Daxamite prick stiffed me.  I tell you, Agent, I don’t know _what_ I’m going to do for money…” 

“We have a hotel with free meals back at the DEO if you want that,” Alex offered coldly as James patted the still-crying Lena on the shoulder.  Brian winced. 

“Nah, I’m not that desperate.  Look, the prick wanted me to help break up these two,” and he indicated Kara and Lena, “and don’t worry, I won’t tell anybody about the Supergirl thing, I swear, you don’t have to kill me, Agent Danvers, I swear, but the bastard didn’t pay me, laughed it off and said he was a fucking _prince_ and “Princes don’t pay for service.”  Cheapskate.”  Brian shook his head.  “Anyway, I’m really, really sorry, he’s that Daxamite prince, Mon-El, and he’s apparently watching your group text chat—something about “Team Supergirl Business”?—to wait for Ms. Luthor to throw Supergirl out.  And, uh…look, if you just give me enough to tide me over, just for a little bit, I can help you…” 

“Talk to M’gann M’orzz at the bar I know you like downtown.  Now get moving before I decide you want a stay at the DEO.”  Brian nodded so fast that Kara was reminded of a bobble-head. 

“Yes, ma’am, absolutely, ma’am, I’m on the straight and narrow from now on, I promise you, ma’am…” 

Astra turned to Alex as the latter shut the door on the retreating Brian.  “Alexandra,” she growled, “the Daxamite oaf has attempted to destroy my niece’s relationship with her mate.  We must exact retribution…” 

“So do I,” Alex growled.  “That _fucking_ …I’m going to _remove his goddamn spine_ , that fucking frat-boy misogynistic prick thinks that he can fuck with _my sister_?”  She grabbed Astra’s hand.  “Come on, General, I need to get my gun.” 

Astra tugged Alex right back and into her arms.  Alex’s breath caught as she gazed up into Astra’s eyes. 

“You are so beautiful when you are angry,” Astra whispered, finally taking the plunge, and Kara would’ve cheered if Lena weren’t still crying softly into her shoulder.    

Alex opened her mouth to reply, then closed it, then reached up and tugged Astra down into a deep, lingering kiss.  Lucy and James took a moment from rubbing Lena’s shoulders to look over and grin at the sight.  The General and her Human broke apart, eyes dark with passion, and smiled at each other, still nervous but now openly loving. 

“I’m sorry I was such a blind idiot,” Alex murmured.  “I should’ve noticed earlier…” 

“As should I,” Astra replied, leaning down to touch her forehead to Alex’s.  “I am sorry for the pain that my inattention has caused you.”  She stood, and grinned.  “Now.  To business.  There is a Daxamite oaf that must be punished.” 

Alex nodded reluctantly.  “I guess killing him is wrong.” 

“You _did_ tell me that kicking him into the Sun was murder,” Astra pointed out.  “If he watches the text chat, though…” 

“…we can lure him into a trap…”

“…make him _think_ he’s succeeded, but then…” 

Alex grinned.  “Brilliant!  Kara!  I need your phone!” 

***

Mon-El strode into the DEO, leaping down the last five stairs to land dramatically with a flourish, the bouquet of red roses lush in his hand.  _Man, I’m brilliant.  That plan went even better than I expected!_   And he got to have sex during it, which was the important part, of course.  Sheesh, Earth females were so easy…

Supergirl, in full uniform already, stood with her back to him, talking to J’onn and Winn by the command center.  He’d been watching the group chat last night, and had been thrilled to find that the Luthor had dumped her.  The conversation had gone on for hours, with Agent Danvers barely convinced to not kill the Luthor for hurting her sister, and Kara getting more distraught with every text. 

Mon-El chuckled to himself at his own brilliance.  Now was the _perfect_ time to charm Kara back off of her feet and right into his waiting arms…

“Kara!”  Mon-El trotted up with a wide, charming smile, proffering the bouquet with another flourish.  “I’m _so_ sorry about the Luthor and what happened, I promise you that I’ll be _right here_ for anything you need—anything at all, any kind of comfort…” 

Mon-El saw stars, felt a brief sort of rush of air and lack of gravity, and then crashed into a pillar, leaving a dent before crumpling to the ground with a groan.  “ _YOU LYING, CHEATING, SEXIST IDIOT!_ ”  Kara hauled him up, punching him again, and he groaned in pain.  “You tried to _make Lena think I was cheating on her to get me back?_   How _dare_ you!  I dumped you for _just_ this kind of thoughtless, cruel nonsense, and you _still_ didn’t learn your lesson!  Now let me make this _extremely_ clear to you, you…you _lying, cheating, bastard!_   No means NO!  I told you _no_ , and it’s _not going to change_ anytime soon!”  She dropped Mon-El to the floor, and he groaned in pain before trying to rise, then stumbling back to collapse on the floor.  How… _how had he failed?  The plan was perfect!_  

“Agent Vasquez, Agent Danvers, General In-Ze,” J’onn growled.  “Restrain Prince Mon-El and take him to the holding cells immediately.” 

“Wha…wha’d I do?” Mon-El lisped through his split, rapidly-swelling lip.  “I din’t do anythin’ illegal!” 

“You broke the NDA you signed when you were authorized to know about Supergirl’s secret identity,” J’onn growled.  Mon-El was roughly hauled to his feet, and Astra’s elbow totally coincidentally hit him in the face.  “That’s a federal offense and I will prosecute it as such.  Take him away.” 

***

_Two weeks later…_  

The game session was over, and the Superfriends (and family) were hanging around Kara’s apartment with drinks.  James had left early, citing a lack of sleep from late-night superheroing, and Winn had begged out to spend the rest of the night with his girlfriend.  Kara and Lena were cuddling on the couch, watching a rerun of _Star Trek: Deep Space Nine_ as Kara stroked Lena’s hair, the CEO lying curled partway up on top of her, strappy heels forgotten on the floor.  Astra and Alex sat next to each other on the other end, Alex’s left hand curling through Astra’s hair as Astra’s right, the arm lying around Alex’s shoulders, stroked up and down the Human’s jawline. 

Watching it all, Lucy lane shook her head. 

“God damn, I love a job well done,” she muttered quietly to Vasquez. 

Vasquez nodded in agreement.  “They’re cute this way.  And less frustrating.” 

“Heh, that’s true.”  Lucy took a swig of her beer.  “I dunno, though.  Part of me feels…incomplete?” 

“Hmm, why?” 

“I dunno.  I just…feel that I’m missing something?  Especially after all that effort?”  Lucy shook her head.  “It’s probably nothing.” 

“Well, I mean, you put in all that effort to get some lovers together,” Vasquez replied.  “In my opinion, if you’re still missing something, well, there’s only one real solution.” 

“Oh?” 

Vasquez grinned and sidled close, hot breath making Lucy shiver as it hit her ear.  “Get thee a girlfriend, Lane.” 

Vasquez’s lips met Lucy’s earlobe, and Lucy’s face slowly transformed, from pensive frown to realization, humor, and finally just glee. 

**Author's Note:**

> Aaaaand I think that’s almost enough gay for one story. And Manhell gets locked up, yay! 
> 
> Written for General Danvers Month, prompt: Rom-Com AU. This was supposed to be done for my 21st bday (9/16) but whatever, I had to edit it, one day after my arbitrary goal isn't that bad, right? 
> 
> Plot shamelessly ripped off of Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing, with J’onn as Leonato, Lucy as Don Pedro, Kara as Hiero, Lena as Claudio, Astra as Beatrice, Alex as Benedick, and Manhell as Don John. 
> 
> It is and always will be my headcanon that Winn introduced Kara to D&D and they are both massive nerds. 
> 
> I put Alex in a short haircut because there’s a picture floating around of Chyler Leigh in a super short haircut for a crime show or something, and she looks good in that so why not? 
> 
> All thanks to my amazing beta, Mollie, who’s been a nonstop source of encouragement and help since I first heard of GD Monthly and was having trouble mustering up the courage to actually participate. You’re the best, Mollie! 
> 
> Protip, people: If a douchebag rom-com villain is trying to break you and your sweetheart up, talk to each other! Rom-com villains are rendered powerless by healthy relationships.


End file.
